November 20, 2021

This story is from a creative writing class, written by a college student. It was then illustrated another student.

It was two o’clock in the morning. There are usually only a few reasons why a person would be up at such an early hour: to tend to a crying baby, cram for a final exam, or wait for that melatonin pill to kick in. I was up for a different reason though. As the news reporter on TV read the words “The United States of America is now on lockdown” from the teleprompter, I glanced across the living room and noticed my Dad anxiously pacing back and forth. Looking back on it now, I was so naively optimistic and had no idea what was to come. Nobody did. The following months after this night were some of the most isolating and disorienting days of my life. The saddest part is that my story cannot even compare to the horrific things other people experienced during this time. 

It started with little bits of information that you would see on the television, read on your phone, or hear a random person across from you talking about but you never paid much attention to. Our parents said it was coming from China and that there was “no need to worry” since it was impossible for it to come all the way to America. Gradually, there would be more and more reports of people on cruises or planes testing positive for it and having to stay in ‘isolation rooms’ until testing negative and being allowed to go home. It was something that everyone thought would go away. Then all of a sudden, we were on lockdown and the world was in a state of emergency. 

I woke up the next morning with a vague email from my high school principal saying that the school would be shut down for the next two weeks and that all classes would be done through Zoom. He said he had no doubt that we would be able to finish the rest of the semester in person after these two weeks of isolation were over. Without realizing the severity of the situation, I called my best friend from school and we talked about how excited we were to have a small “vacation” and immediately started planning what days we would hang out with each other. I didn’t step foot in my school again for the rest of that year and I didn’t see my friend once over those two weeks, or months, for that matter. 

I find myself often thinking about those months of isolation. The never-ending days of solitude and slump. The beam of sunlight hit my cheek every morning as I released a groan of exhaustion even after getting a full eight hours. The irony of pouring myself a cup of coffee every day, only to let the caffeine infiltrate my veins and slowly be released into the blood of a body that was motionless all day. The aroma of freshly roasted coffee beans overwhelmed my sense of smell with an earthy and smoky scent every day before I grudgingly logged onto my Zoom classes.

A strong hatred for using electronics had never overwhelmed me as much as it did during this time. I thought I would love being able to do school from where felt most convenient to me, but I began to despise staring at the screen of my computer all day. I taught myself how to make the most mundane tasks, like sitting and staring at my screen, the most interesting. I would follow the sides of my computer screen with the Lego toys I built out of boredom until I had gone around the circumference of my screen countless times. I occupied myself with the ridiculous filters on the photobooth app while the voice of my teacher blasted in the background. I felt myself losing interest in my education and grades for the first time in my life.

The craving I had for human interaction only intensified as the months went on. A feeling of loneliness devoured my spirit and mind; I had no idea how to fix it. Instead of using the absurd amount of free time I had on productive tasks like working on school assignments or learning a new language, I turned my brain off by succumbing to the never-ending scroll of TikTok and Instagram. Viewing the endless videos of people I had never met in my life was a sad excuse for socialization, but it was all I had at the time, and so I completely dove head-first into the world of unhealthy internet usage. Endless days and months passed by me and I still fell victim to the mental and physical toll that quarantine had caused. It felt like my body began to rot from the inside out and my brain had decreased by five sizes. I had never felt so useless and unproductive. I can still remember the sting of loneliness that poisoned my limbs and mind to the point of depression.

Shortly after the countless days of procrastination and lifeless Zoom classes, I took notice of how bad my grades had gotten as well as the slight puff my face had from the amount of sodium I was consuming. I realized that I had to direct my sadness and stillness into something useful or the effects of the pandemic would have beat me, which I wasn’t going to allow. I forced myself to block out all traces of information about the reality of the world to keep my sanity. I began to focus my energy back on my classes and fix my slipping grades. Up until this point I had been an excellent student; I never let my scores get below an A or B. So accepting the fact that I had disappointed myself and my teachers for the first time in my academic career was not an easy feat. I used this as motivation to do better in my upcoming senior year. 

A hopeful and uplifting email was sent out by my school before the beginning of the next school year that filled me with excitement. It said that in-person classes would be allowed again and that there was no plan to go back to virtual classes unless a spread of the virus began. About one month into the school year, our school was shut down again because of the high number of kids testing positive. As if the the virus didn’t get enough from us the first time, it came back for more but this time it tore open our hearts and teased us with the thought of unity. We returned to Zoom classes and the image of a computer screen with sullen faces on it that had been burned into my memory returned to my everyday life. I remember feeling defeated. For some reason, the second shutdown hurt more than the first. It was my senior year, I was supposed to have the chance to take everything I learned during the terrifying year before and make it count for something. Instead, a good portion of my final year of high school was spent staring at screens and yearning for any feeling of normalcy. 

As I sit in my room and recount my memories of the pandemic, I’m surprised to notice how little I feel I have changed since then. Although there is no one telling me I can’t go outdoors, go to class, or visit a friend, there are times I still feel as empty and lonely as I did during those times. I no longer enjoy the activities and hobbies I loved doing like I did before the pandemic. I now fear when the next lockdown will be or if the common cold that goes around my college campus every year will turn into something more. The pandemic stole so much from so many people and it’s incredibly difficult to find the silver lining when thinking back to such a disastrous season of life. In those suffocatingly sad and confusing times, the only beam of light that I can recall was the connection of humanity and desire to move forward even though we knew things would never be the same.