Venture Merz
These are some thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, challenges, and insights I’ve had over the past 5.5 years of being chronically ill:
I’m going to die, and I don’t want to hide or play safe anymore
White supremacy harms us all
I can’t breathe
Your worth is not tied to your activity
Your worth is not tied to your ability
I can be here
Spread boundless love to all beings
Please don’t disappear
I can’t do this alone anymore
Trans grief
Please Help me
Lockdown
I can’t remember
My bed is my home
Isolation
Quarantine
“We can’t measure chronic fatigue”
“You aren’t high risk”
“Everything is within normal range, you’re healthy”
We’re cutting your unemployment
We’re cutting your SNAP benefits
I can’t stress anymore, I flare
Depression
Zoom life
Loss of friends
Family financial support
Food banks
Chills & fever
Chronic Pain
Wheezing
Brain fog/memory loss
Chronic Fatigue
Violent Coughing
Nervous System dysregulation
Flares of acute symptoms
Parenting while chronically ill
Can’t drive more than 15 minutes before being in excruciating pain
I think, “I’m not going to recover from this”
You can’t believe everything you think
Chinese herbs saved my life
Wuhan strain
Sick since March 2020
Sloth power
Do one thing, rest, repeat
Not meeting basic needs
I’m tired
I am worthy of care
I am worthy of love
I’m not back to normal
I’m not back to business as usual
Sick & tired
Tired & sick
“Whatever arises don’t get attached to it.”
Breathing in, breathing out
I feel like I’m drowning
My sickness and transness are interconnected
My sickness and queerness are interconnected
The sickness and abuse are interconnected
Meditation is good medicine
Getting Triggered = flare
Gender affirming care is the only thing that has helped my chronic fatigue
I can’t walk
Silver lining is helpful, but can only go so far
I’m scared
I’m sad
I’m in pain
Art heals
Covid makes me feel like “I can’t…“ and I am meeting it with, “I am.” Everything that brought you here, thank it.
Grateful for a new day
I never knew how much I took for granted, until it was gone.
I believe in something larger than me
Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional
“What are you going to do with your one wild & precious life?” - Mary Oliver
Remain in dignity no matter the circumstances
May I experience this sickness fully so others may be healthy, happy and free
Taking sickness as the path
The challenges are a rich place for growth
Sitting With It invites participants to take a mask off of a collaged pillar. Adorned with short stanzas and dye sublimation college–each of the first 100 masks are like seeds sharing glimpses of Merz and McDaniel’s experiences with Long COVID. Merz produced the written word component, which can be found in full form in the written booklet for this exhibition.
Merz combines lush photographs that feature profound and beautiful aspects within everyday experiences. Merz took these images during a time of near complete isolation in lockdown. This is also a period of time where the artist entered a three year Buddhist retreat, which began when he became homebound due to illness related to severe Long COVID. Merz’ writing is intentionally fragmented and can be seen as a direct representation of brain fog and the variety of experiences of Long COVID.
Relatable, ordinary, and profound, the written word component includes quotes like “when I stress I flare.” These quotes can also be seen as a window into their production process, which was simplified in order to reduce the potential for and severity of flares related to their ongoing experiences of Long COVID.
McDaniel utilizes abstracted imagery taken from video stills of footage they shot and edited using electric signals in an analog video process at Signal Culture to illustrate the impermanent nature of life. This imagery is a queered abstraction relating to their experiences with loss, grief, death, separation, liberation, and acceptance related to Long COVID. He is interested in exploring the intersections of chronic illness, people in the LGBTQ2IA+ umbrella, and Buddhist practices.
Gallery view, photo by Heather Schulte
"Sitting with it", Teague McDaniel and Venture Merz, 8" x 36", synthetic fiber masks, wood, paper collage, 2025, photo by Heather Schulte
"Sitting with it", Teague McDaniel and Venture Merz, 8" x 36", synthetic fiber masks, wood, paper collage, 2025, photo by Heather Schulte
Merz (he/they) is an interdisciplinary artist, Buddhist, and trans parent based in Niwot, Colorado. His practice collapses boundaries between meditation, life, and art through practices like throwing clay, printmaking, collage, and poetry.